Going Green…ish

I mentioned that I’m attempting to go organic and natural.  Key word: attempting.  Like, I’m giving it a good ole college try.  Both my SIL’s have been hinting at eating organic, changing lotions and skincare regimens, switching deoderants, and using natural remedies for illness.  Ok, let’s be real…by “hinting” I mean dropping bombs.  Like, almost sidewalk-gathering, sign-making, shout-it-all-together demands for change–NO meat!  Make your own deoderant!  Elderberry syrup!  No sugar!  Dairy-free!  I have 15 chickens in my suburban yard!  I mean, I almost expect to see hairy armpits and vans down by the river soon.  All this pressure finally peaked my interest.  I mean, I wanna be a cool kid, too…

2019 is my year to clean our systems.  Ok, ok…to a point.  Let me be clear, I have some very boujee, non-organic, unnatural habits.  For example:

• I dye my hair a range of colors every 8-9 weeks.  Judging by their scent, I’m going to confidently say that they are not plant-based or natural.
• I have my nails done every 3 weeks.  I believe it’s safe to assume that the dip powder and chemicals used to soak it off are NOT all-natural or organic.
• I drive an SUV.  It uses a lot of gas.  In my defense, I mentioned my two boys–they play every sport imaginable…and sometimes they get on my nerves.  I need the back seat.  Aaannnddd the back-back seat.

So, with those exceptions–because, let’s be honest, I’m not ready to give them up–I’ve decided that 2019 is our year for cleaner systems.

First step, changin’ up my cart on my Harris Teeter app.  I already said I had boujee habits, y’all…stop rolling your eyes.  I have kids, remember?  Online shopping saves me from the never-ending, extra $74.39 from “mom, can we have this?” and “oooohh I want that” and the other random things that just appear in the cart at check-out.  Anyway, I changed my cart.  I searching everything on my shopping list with “organic” in front of it.  To my surprise, there’s organic EVERYTHING!  Y’all!  Mac and cheese, oreo cookies, gummies, BREAD, cheese, DORITOS.  I mean, everything!  For the past 3 weeks, we have eaten organic and fresh.  Except the 4 bags of Funyuns my kids eat in a week.  Baby steps, people…progress is progress.

Second step, find a cleaner face regimen.  One of my radical, picketing-on-the-sidewalk, read-this-article-about-chicken-farms-before-you-eat-that SILs is a rep for BeautyCounter.  So, naturally, I decided to try it out.  Love it.  Done. (We can talk more about that later.  Patience.)

Third step, and the REAL reason for this post….D E O D E R A N T .  <face palm> Here’s my 500th disclaimer–I am a sweater.  I come from a family of sweaters.  Whatever horrid, mutant gene that makes people sweat a lot was passed down to all my siblings (sorry, guys, for throwing you under the bus).  I believe we got it from my maternal granddaddy–I remember the sweat dripping off the end of his nose and his sweaty shirts.  It doesn’t help that we live in a place that sees high-90’s and 235% humidity on the regular.  So, to say I was little hesitant to try a natural deoderant is an understatement.  I put it off and put it off and Put. It. Off.  But, remember my SILs?  Yeah, so there’s that.  I succumbed to the pressure one late, sleepless, online shopping-filled night.  I bought two natural deoderants.  First step in the right direction.

          

I didn’t pick blindly.  I did a little research. I’m a sweater, remember?  Kopari got good reviews and seemed good for sensitive skin.  Native came highly recommended by one of my SILs…my go-to on all things natural.  I believe the hype of this natural deoderant push.  I do.  It’s better for your skin, for your pores, your body.  Illnesses have been link to “normal deoderant.”  I’m on y’all’s train. Honestly, I am.

Then, I get my package in the mail…followed by this email.

   

Hold. The. Dern. Phone.  <Kevin Hart lean> Whaaaaaaaaaat?  This horrific outline of what to expect over the next four weeks is terrifying.  I mean, DETOX?  The marquee on my forehead showing my inner thoughts is ALL CAPS right now.  Week 1 and 2–all I see are MORE SWEAT and STINK.  I mean… <fake faint> That’s followed by the encouraging “Week 3: You’ll stink less.”  Wow.  This is too much #smh.  But, I bought it.  And I am not one to waste.  So, I’m all in.

Day 1: Coin toss for which one to try first: Kopari is the winner.  Apply and off to work we go!  As the day goes on…Holy cow.  Sweat, much?  Y’all, it’s winter…and it actually feels like winter.  But I was sweating.  Like, a lot.  <deep sigh> AND I could smell myself.  Bad sign.

Day 2: Sweat and stink…just like they said.

Day 3: Bump this.  I’m trying the Native.  It’s scented, which should at least make this 1x better.  My prediction was correct.  Less sweat and lessER stink.

Day 4: Native, again.  Feelin’ pretty good.  No pit-stains today = winning!

Day 5: I’ve developed a system.  Native for daytime.  Post work-out shower and Kopari for the nighttime.  I seem to be sweating (and smelling) like normal (for me).

Day 6: Today.  I feel like the transition is complete.  I’m back to normal sweat and smell and feeling pretty confident.  I mean, my life choices are positive.  My pits are happy.  People around me seem happy.  I’m happy.  It’s winning all around.

On New Year’s Day, I made a list of 100 Goals for the year.  It sounds overwhelming and a bit crazy…but I am.  Both.  Overwhelming and crazy.  So, I do this.  For the past 3 years.  It reads more like a bucket list for the year.  I’ve checked these 3 things off: eating MORE natural and organic, natural skincare regimen, and natural deoderant.  Done. Done. And done.

I am killing this life thing.  Just over here bracing myself for the universe’s “SIKE!”