Our brains cannot be trusted.
I know, I know…that’s a heavy thing to lead with, huh? But think about it. Our brains cannot be trusted.
Our brains like finished stories. Our brains run overtime at weird times, like at midnight. Our brains leave an opening for resentment.
a) Finished stories. Gossip. We love that stuff. The stories people come up with to make something make sense, to explain why something happened, or to sway allegiance. “She must’ve done that because…” or “I guess he did that to…” or “You think he said that to her because she…” All those times you had a few details and made a whole story…that was your brain finishing the story. It needed the ending. It needed a reason, an explanation, answers to questions, more details. You needed it. So, your brain finished it. Usually with the Devil’s help. <side eye> It’s not a happy ending every time, is it, sugar?
b) Our brains run overtime. Usually at the most wonderful times–we’re tired, stressed, angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, anxious, worried, overwhelmed, or nervous. (Mumbles: brains must be resting when we’re happy.) You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re up in the middle of the night thinking about tomorrow’s presentation, yesterday’s meeting, the random run-in you had at Wal-Mart. You’re lost in thought about your kid starting college, or being away at college, or coming home from college. You’re up late thinking about your husband’s Guys Night, your wife’s late meetings, your ex’s inability to function as a mature adult. You’re up early wondering about the nail in your tire, the guy that might get a promotion over you, the friend who has kids when you haven’t yet. So many things! You’re brain seems to have had a Red Bull without consulting you.
c) Enter resentment, stage left. Resentment sneaks in the backdoor on the heels of anger, pride, feelings of being overwhelmed. You start keeping a scoreboard…mentally keeping score of who does more and who deserves this and why did this good thing happen to him. You start finishing those stories versus speaking truths. And of course you’re doing this at midnight when your brain is in overdrive.
I have been on a journey to better myself. It’s been a long journey. A hard one. But its a journey, not a sprint. One thing I have tried to do is look to The Book for answers and insight. Some of the most influential people in my life have spoken life over me by quoting the Bible. I envy that. Not in an unhealthy way…more of a #goals way. So, I looked to scripture for insight into our brains and this overthinking nonsense.
In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul said that “we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world…we have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.” Corinthians 10:1-6
The world wages war by playing to our biggest fears and most extreme emotions: fear, anger, pride. Unfair tactics that attack us at our weakest points. Our overworked brains are weak. Resentment weasels its way in while our brains are tired. Paul wasn’t telling us to gather up weapons and prepare to fight. He was telling us to use our brain as a weapon–take hold of those negative thoughts, those untruths we used to finish the story, those questions about who got what / did what / went where and why. Take hold of them and twist them to make it obedient to Christ. Now, that does not mean to scold it and tell it to sit in a corner. That means to change the script. Make them more Christlike. Good, peaceful, gentle, kind, faithful, and full of love. Instead of questioning, making things up, or coating things in negativity, lead with positivity, love, empathy. Don’t finish the story until it’s finished.
But WAIT! There’s more! Paul said we can fight it. We can’t do it by creating a stronghold of our own or building a wall around our heart and selves to ensure we don’t get hurt. That’s what we want to do. Seclude ourselves, become uber-independent, have a jaded view of the world. That would be easier…and more passive. Fighting is active. Fighting is something we have to DO. We can fight our untrustworthy brains by resting (as best you can–HELLO, perimenopause!) and renewing our brains daily, rewriting the script, and tending to our side of the street.
Resting and renewing. Unplug. Read. Meditate. Sleep. Whatever is resting to you, do that. Read. Talk with friends. Craft. Learn something new. Whatever renews your mind, do that.
Rewrite the script. Grab that undocumented, unproven thought and twist it to be more loving and empathetic. Switch it to something more peaceful, gentle, and kind. See if it changes the story.
Tending to your side of the street is a nice way of saying MYOB, people. Mind your own business, your own problems, your own insecurities, your own stuff. Mind your own. Pay attention to your own. Like I tell my kindergarten students, if you mind your own business and everyone else minds theirs, we will have less problems in this space.
Less problems, like pesky uninvited guests called resentment. Lock your doors, friends. Highlight the positive, speak life, have positive self-talk. Pay attention to what is praiseworthy, on what’s good in the world, and focus on that.
